What's in the Box? and Writing Assignment #22 - School Days K-6

“Are you  Ok?” the banker asked as I sat across from her at the mahogany desk in the center of the bank. I was only slightly aware that I had stopped mid-motion, my pen in hand but in mid-air, staring at the form in front of me as suddenly and without warning a sense of bewilderment caused by the question that followed my name and address made me freeze and brought a quizzical furrow to my brow.  A question I’ve seen a hundred times but this time, for some reason, I wasn’t ready to answer quite so mechanically. All I had to do was put a checkmark in a box:

[ ] Single  [ ] Married  [ ] Divorced or [ ] Widowed

I don’t deny that the box I fit into now is [ ]Widowed but it surely isn’t a box I asked to be in. I’m happy to say that four lovely decades ago I freely chose to be in the  [X] Married category and happily put my checkmark there for all those years. I jumped out of the [X] Single box into the Oh so very comfortable [X] Married box when at 19 I happily and blissfully said “I Do! For now and forever, I really Do!”

Forcing myself out of my stupor, I looked at the banker, sighed and put a small mark in the [x] Widow box and moved on to the next question.

I think what bothered me the most that day was not the realization that I am a widow but that I was becoming comfortable with that moniker.  And maybe even becoming comfortable in that box. Gasp!

There is an old saying…Not even the God’s can change the past.  As much as I’d like to wake up and find that it is Dale lying next to me each morning and not just a pile of toss pillows, the fact is, it’s just pillows now. That can’t and won’t ever change. 

It was a milestone and fortuitous day when it occurred to me that when I come upon a situation or a thought or a place, or hear an ambulance siren that no amount of thinking, or reliving that dreadful day; no amount of pain or tears will ever change what happened.  I am able to say to myself, It happened, re-living it won’t change it – go ahead - move forward you brave warrior you. I don’t deny that it happened; I just realize that focusing on it won’t change it! And I have been able to avoid many breakdowns that way.  I freely admit that it took time and many tearful experiences to get to that point.

But having conquered that, I'm wondering...am I now a little too comfortable in the [x] Widow box? I have no desire or intentions of ever checking the    

[ ]Married box again but I think I can start examining the confines of the   

[ ]Widow box that is created by society and then as is always sage advice…think outside the box before I lose …me.

The poet Seamus Heaney warns: “Unless that underground level of the self is preserved as a verified and verifying element in your makeup, you are going to be in danger of settling into whatever profile the world prepares for you and accepting whatever profile the world provides for you.  You’ll be in danger of molding yourselves in accordance with laws of growth other than those of your own intuitive being.”

And to avoid becoming a bit too comfortable…David A. Bednar explains "The journey of mortality is to go from bad to good to better and to have our very natures changed."  Or in other words…always be progressing. Which means that the discomfort I felt at the bank with the question of which box to check was a good nudge in the direction that I need to keep striving and learning and reaching for the sky.  There is just too much I still want to do that's outside the comfort of this cocoon!

My hand instinctively goes to my neck to touch the butterfly necklace pendant I’ve worn for nearly 2 ½ years now (a gift from my son) I smile, draw a box on the open page of my notebook and write next to it the words… 

[ ] Starting to fly.

And I make a big red checkmark in my new box - [X] Starting to fly.   I’m not sure a bank would accept that write-in description but I am sure going to!

[ ] Single  [ ] Married  [ ] Divorced  [ ] Widowed [X] Starting to fly

WRITING ASSIGNMENT #22  SCHOOL DAYS...

KINDERGARTEN - 6TH GRADE

• Do you remember your first day of school?
• Who took you?
• What did you wear?
• What did you do?
• How did you feel?
• What were the names of the schools you attended? (K-6th)
• How did you get to and from school?  
• How far was it from your home?
• What time did it start?  End?
• Can you describe your classrooms, your desk, who you sat by?
• Any special school friends?
• Any problems?
• How did you handle or solve these problems?
• What was your Elementary School playground like?
• What games did you play?  Were you good at them?
• Elaborate on any of these experiences whether they be frightening, fulfilling and/or humorous.
• What were your teachers' names?
• Give your impression of them.
• To this day do you remember something they taught/said/did that had an influence upon you?