Brave

It takes a certain amount of bravery when a handsome young man is standing in front of you with a diamond ring saying “Will you marry me?” to say..”Yes I will” knowing it changes the course of your life forever. It also takes a certain amount of bravery to stand at the hospital bedside of that same person many years later, hold his hand and whisper to him that it’s ok to “let go” even though it changes the course of your life again.

How did I get to be that brave? How do I bravely face each day now?

I am keenly aware that bravery is a solitary thing.  It’s something that is done on your own. Even if you are surrounded by other people.  Like that first day of kindergarten when you are standing half way between your mother and the door of school house. Safety is running back into the arms of a loving mother, it takes bravery to turn and walk in the door into the great unknown! To do that you have to look inside yourself and without realizing that bravery is not the absence of fear but pushing on anyway, you wave goodbye to Mom, clench your little fists, turn and walk through the door.

You alone make the final determination whether you ride that bike for the first time without training wheels, or jump into a swimming pool the very first time, or become a young woman, or change your hairstyle or wear your first pair of high heels! On your own you fall in love, even though that takes two…you have to be brave enough to let go of your heart and give it to someone else!

You have to be brave to move out of the childhood home where you were loved and cared for by devoted parents all of your life and start a home of your own.  Brave to have children, not only to give birth but to be responsible for teeny tiny human beings who rely on you for everything, every minute of every day. And then when you have loved them through all of their literal and metaphorical bumps and bruises with more love than you thought possible you have to be brave enough to let them go...to brave the world on their own.

On through the years when life gives you problems and challenges you find the courage to move on through them. As Mary Tyler Moore is quoted as saying, “You can’t be brave if you’ve only had wonderful things happen to you.” As part of our life's journey, along with the wonderful things come financial issues, disappointments, loss of grandparents and parents and the dreaded health problems requiring us to put on our brave.

Hillary Weeks in her song “Brave” ardently prompts us:

In the moments when the walls seem way to high,
trust your instincts, breath and start to climb,
Cause you have always been...

Brave, you are brave!
Let your brave come through and let it define you,
Cause you were meant to be brave…

When you think you can't,
Strong when you have fallen,
Bold enough to stand and be...

Brave. Brave. Brave, you are brave!
Let your brave come through and let it define you,
Cause you are meant to be...

Brave, you are brave!

I recently came across a love letter Dale had written to me many years ago when I was away from home visiting my family and he wrote, “…I’m thinking of the challenges we have faced in our marriage but so grateful that none of our problems were with each other”.  Definitely holding hands and linking our courage together was a stronger force than just one brave person alone. But nothing in all of these years of being brave, alone or united, fully prepared me for being without him. Mainly because it’s a constant and ongoing thing this bravely facing the world alone now. I wake up every morning, discern the need (yet again) to put on my brave and find a purpose in order to make it through another day. Because the truth is, as to quote (in part) Jason Mraz in his song I won’t give up…

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make

But glancing once again at the post-it note on the edge of my computer screen that spurs me on by proclaiming, “You Brave, Brave Warrior You!” I am well aware that even though I’ve used my personal free agency to bravely maneuver through these challenges that…well…it always starts with a prayer and then...

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains

You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas

I am strong, when I am on your shoulders

You raise me up, to more than I can be

And that’s really the true secret to being brave right? Every decision to be brave, from entering the kindergarten doors to now starts with a prayer.