The Man of My Dreams

I awoke the other morning, just like I have each and every morning but this time as I sat up and looked back at the empty side of the bed I had the unmistakable, albeit weird, combination of sadness and joy as I realized I had been dreaming about Dale. I couldn’t bring up the details but I knew it was a dream about him. He has been the man of my dreams for most of my life.  I first dreamed of him when I was three and recognized him 15 years later when he took me in his arms and we danced for the very first time in this life.

But the other morning, he was only a dream again. I would have to get up and go on through my day without him…again. A routine I am becoming accustomed to in an agitated sort of way. I wondered if now, after all of these days and weeks and months and now years since he died that perhaps my day-to-day existence now might be a bit boring to him when he must be seeing and doing and experiencing such wonderful things on the other side. A forlorn tear dropped from my eye.

Later that morning I happened upon a quote by President Gordon B. Hinckley about his beloved wife, he said:

“As I held her hand and saw mortal life drain from her fingers, I confess I was overcome. Before I married her, she had been the girl of my dreams. … She was my dear companion for more than two-thirds of a century, my equal before the Lord, really my superior. And now in my old age, she has again become the girl of my dreams. To lose one’s much-loved partner with whom one has long walked through sunshine and shadow is absolutely devastating,” he said. “There is a consuming loneliness which increases in intensity. It painfully gnaws at one’s very soul. But in the quiet of the night a silent whisper is heard that says, ‘All is well. All is well.’ And that voice from out of the unknown brings peace, and certainty, and unwavering assurance that death is not the end, that life goes on, with work to do and victories to be gained. That voice quietly, even unheard with mortal ears, brings the assurance that, as surely as there has been separation, there will be a joyful reuniting.”

Such comfort that gave to me.

As I climbed back into bed that night, well…I know you shouldn’t ask the Lord for a sign but just then I sighed and said out loud, “Dale, can you give me a sign? Something that tells me that you are still here for me?” 

By the afternoon of the next day I was thinking how silly and even a bit presumptuous it was that I had asked for a sign when suddenly a text blinged in on my cell phone from my son who lives thousands of miles away.  He texted, simply, “A Quick message from Dad"...

The next day as my sister and I ran errands together we decided to drop by a charming little shop in the village and as we meandered through the French décor that reminded me so much of Dale a song started to play. It seemed that I was able to listen to each word as the melody filled the room….I recognized it as the Mamas and Papas song, “Dream a Little Dream of Me”

Stars shining bright above you

Night breezes seem to whisper I love you

Birds singing in the sycamore tree

Dream a little dream of me

Say night-ie night and kiss me

Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me

While I'm alone and blue as can be

Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading but I linger on, dear

Still craving your kiss

I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear

Just saying this

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you

Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you

But in your dreams whatever they be

Dream a little dream of me.

I whispered to my sister, “I think Dale has just given me another sign!”

 

“I know he has!” she said, “The last song they were playing in here was “I’m Gonna Make this Place Your Home” and I had the strong sensation that he is up there making a home for you in that place”

So he not only gave me a sign, he gave me several! Signs that tell me that the love we shared here on earth is still a vitally important and real connection now.

That evening I was sending out a few emails and my program told me that I was nearing storage capacity and needed to start deleting some things. So I thought I’d go back through some of the older Emails to delete them and clear up some space. The first thing that came up was an Email I had sent to Dale on Aug. 15, 2009 at 11:09 pm.  He was doing a lot of traveling for business and I had come upon an old old song by Dean Martin that spoke of dreams and also the words that mean so much more to me now…”It’s my heart you own so I will wait alone."

Then I remembered the dream I had when I was in my early forties. In my dream I had died and I saw a white spiral staircase and a man dressed in white was descending. As he came closer and closer I recognized him and I felt such happiness as he stopped, held onto the railing and it was Dale who said “It’s me!”  I knew we were together again.

And so an amazing blitz of signs from the man of my dreams coming over the course of several days this week, telling me that I don’t ever have to worry again if he is still here for me. I make note of each one here so that I can remember them if at any time should I once again think hmmmm…are you still here? I’ll be able to read this.

I kissed his photo just like I do each and every night, climbed into bed and switched off the light. “Sweet Dreams” I say to myself contentedly. .