He stared dumfounded at me.
It was just an annual checkup. Everything physically is normal, no complaints but he asked if I was ever depressed. I said, “Well I still miss my husband, that’s a bit depressing!”
He said, “How long has it been?”
I said, “Two years”.
With the tsk tsk of his tongue and a shake of his head I didn’t have to hear the words he was thinking…two years was enough, I should get over it.
As I looked at him my mind swirled and my heart ached. It occurred to me that I had been married over 40 years which is longer than this young doctor has been alive. Can you say…well you’ve lived your life for 42 years, now get over it?
I looked away.
When I looked back his look was still one of incredulity so I just forced a smile and asked when I needed to come back. “Unless you sprain an ankle….not until next year” he said.
I walked to the car and climbed in. The days are finally starting to warm up and it felt cozy inside. I put the key in the ignition but instead of turning it, I laid my head back, absorbed the sunshine and allowed my mind to wander. Am I boring people with my journey? Does everyone else think it’s time for me to get over it?
When I roll over in bed at night and the moonlight glows on an empty pillow next to me where Dale should be…must I just “get over it?”.
When there is something clever, or beautiful, or funny or amazing and I want to share it with him but he’s not there…do I just “get over it?”.
I think of the words to an Enya song,
Who can say where the road goes?
Where the day flows?
Only time
Perhaps time works differently for each of us. To a child two years is incomprehensible, to a 14 year old wanting to get a driver’s license at 16, two years seems to be an eternal stretch of never ending months and to a young doctor - its ample time for a widow to get over the loss of her husband. For me, is two years enough?Suddenly, too warm now, I drive home not having arrived at an answer deciding instead to think about it another day….
So, today I’m sitting at my art table painting a rainy April day picture that I will give the caption “No showers, no flowers”. Pandora is playing my favorite songs – gentle instrumentals that make me feel happy and creative. I suddenly realize I’m listening to an instrumental of the song “I’ve loved you for a thousand years and I’ll love you for a thousand more.”
And my heart skips a beat, the way it does when your mind grasps onto something important.
My mind goes back to Enya....
And who can say if your love grows
As your heart chose?
Only time
Time told me that my love continued to grow for nearly half a century as my heart chose. I made my choice and it was more than a “til death do we part” choice.
Who can say why your heart sighs
As your love flies?
Only time
So now....
I have been remiss in posting the weekly questions for you to write your autobiography! I’m so sorry.
So let’s go forward with this:
- Enjoy every Moment
- Be Fearless
- Breathe Deeply
- Always Believe in Yourself
- Follow your Heart and
- WRITE YOUR STORY
I will post a new assignment every Thursday with love and a sincere belief that everyone has a story and it should be told. And with the assignments you will do it in a year’s time. Now that’s a time period we can all agree upon!
AUTOBIOGRAPHY ASSIGNMENT #10
GRANDPARENTS' HOMES
Describe your grandparents' houses. From your perspective, how YOU remember each home. Was it an old house? Tell us about it's cracking paint or it's squeaky door or the mature trees in the yard for example or perhaps it was ultra modern? Paint pictures with your words.
Did you visit their homes often? Why or why not? (Don't include too many details of the lives of the people here, just the homes and yards etc)
Where did you play? What did you play? What was the spirit of the home?
Close your eyes and be there and now open your eyes and WRITE!! No one can tell it like you!
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