The I.Q.Test

I found myself last night at 11:55 pm standing in front of the open refrigerator, the only radiance in the room coming from the glow of the little bulb in the fridge that cast a light on… nothing fun to eat. "Why bother", I groan, and close the door. Closed it a bit too swiftly I must admit as papers of all sizes, that had moments before been held to the outside of the door by a cute butterfly magnet, fluttered to the floor. Rolling my eyes in the dark, I blindly reached for and found the light switch on the wall.  I was suddenly aware of how silly it is - why do we post things onto the door of the fridge when the outside of the door is rarely what you stand and look at.  Inside yes, outside…not so much.

Lately I have felt myself being drawn into the swirling abyss that can only be identified as the “What does it matter anyway” place. The things leading me there are uninvited thoughts that weasel their way into my sub-conscience mind. Thoughts like….”It’s just too hard”  “It’s not worth the effort”  “Nothing ever changes” “Who cares!” “I’m miserable and I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired “and “Life would just be easier if I had the answers! Is that asking too much?”  Hence the late night attempt to find comfort in the form of a midnight snack.

But there had been nothing in the fridge that would have filled the void so I picked up the scattered notes on the floor, sat down at the kitchen counter and started reading.  They are slips of paper that I have positioned on that stainless steel door over the last few months. As I began to read one after another I noticed a theme….

“Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful” – Joshua J. Marine

“Don’t be pushed by your problems – Be led by your dreams” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The harder you work the something, the greater you feel when you achieve it” – anon

“I will go forward. I will smile at the rage of the tempest, and ride fearlessly and triumphantly across the boisterous ocean of circumstance.” – Eliza R. Snow

“Keep loving.  Keep trying. Keep trusting. Keep believing. Keep growing. Heaven is cheering you on today, tomorrow and forever” – Jeffrey Holland

“We talk about our trials and troubles here in this life; but suppose that you could see yourselves thousands and millions of years after you have proved faithful during the few short years in this time, and have obtained eternal salvation in the presence of God? Then look back upon your lives here, and see the losses, crosses, and disappointments, the sorrows…; you would be constrained to exclaim, ‘but what of all that? Those things were but for a moment, and we are now here.  We have been faithful during a few moments in our mortality, and now we enjoy eternal life and glory, with power to progress in all the boundless knowledge and through the countless stages of progression enjoying the smiles of approbation of our Father and God, and of Jesus Christ our elder brother.’” – Brigham Young

“We all have trials to face – at times, very difficult trials. We know how the Lord allows us to go through trials in order for us to be polished and perfected so we can be with Him forever.” – Henry B. Eyring

These wonderful, powerful reminders had brought me strength over the weeks and I wanted to remember them so as they were each discovered and read and as they did their job of inspiring me… I had printed them out, cut them to size and added them to the would-be-proclaimer of everything wise – the refrigerator door. But right then, at 12:05 am I was feeling ordinary and human, overwhelmed and dare I say…even a bit indifferent to it all. The comfort I needed would best be found in well let me see…a bowl of rocky road ice-cream would probably do!

Realizing that no miracle was going to make a carton of ice-cream appear in my freezer I decided to go sit at my computer and see if I could find anything to distract my woeful mood.

My eye glimpsed a faded cream colored pamphlet at the edge of my desk.  It was an I.Q. Test. One that I recently found among Dale’s things.  One he purchased decades ago for (and the price tag was still on it) $1.00.  There are many who purchase cross-word puzzles for brain teasing entertainment…Dale always purchased I.Q tests. He enjoyed the challenge.

In our very first year of marriage while looking for a better job, he set an appointment with a large employer; received a date and time to come for an interview;  journeyed to the large home office in LA and sought the employment center.  He was handed an application packet and led to a testing room.  Answering question after question about his personal and business self he was relieved that the next part of the process was an I.Q. test.  “Oh good”, he thought, “This will be fun.” But as he started he quickly realized that the test was one that he had recently purchased, (this cream colored one that is on my desk now). He easily remembered every answer, literally breezed through it and continued on to the rest of the application. In the comment box at the end he divulged that he had taken that I.Q. Test previously so he knew the answers beforehand.  He finished with his signature. Put everything back into the large envelope and handed it to the lady at the desk who said they would be in touch.

A few days later he received a call.  He got the job!  With great enthusiasm he was told that no one had ever before scored 100% on that I.Q. test, he was a genius and they wanted him to work for them! Evidently in their excitement over the test results they hadn’t read his comment at the end.

But their praise had a hollow ring to it. He knew it didn’t prove that he was the genius they were looking for. He knew the answers beforehand and so that accomplishment and their high praises were meaningless to him.

Hmmmm, I start to think… If I already knew the answers to these challenges I face, would it all be less meaningful to me? Would this test of life prove nothing?

If I didn’t have challenges or even worse, if I were to be indifferent to them, would I just be like that pre-programmed Go-Bot that my kids used to play with?  They’d turn it on, put it on the floor and it would go until it hit a wall, flip over and move on until it hit another wall, flip over and well…wash - rinse and repeat!  It was funny to watch but it never ever accomplished anything.

But “Oh” I moan, “It just takes so much effort to tackle the problems!”  And then the old story that I have often repeated of the first Olympics of modern times popped into my memory.

Author Jim Reisler’s interview with the History channel tells it best:

The athletes for the first modern Olympics that were held in Athens Greece in 1896 weren’t really chosen at all. One of the remarkable things about these first U.S. Olympians is how they were thrown together—comprised mostly of a group from Boston, and another group from Princeton. Most of the Bostonians were members of the Boston Athletic Association—the same organization that puts together the Boston Marathon—whose members took up a collection to send their athletes, several of whom were Harvard students, to Athens. Passage for the foursome from Princeton was paid for by Alice Whitridge Garrett, whose son, Robert, was the school’s track captain and would earn Olympic championships in discus and shot put. There were no U.S. trials or qualifiers: Those who could go did so. 

Every Olympic competition is dramatic, but Robert Garrett’s victory in the discus was downright extraordinary. Discus wasn’t a part of U.S. track and field in those days, and Garrett had never even seen or touched one. To prepare, he asked Princeton classics professor and team advisor William Milligan Sloane if he knew anything about the discus.

Sloane’s knowledge extended only as far as those striking ancient statues in museums of athletic young men coiled and ready to unleash the discus. He suggested that Garrett find an image of one of the statues and use it so a local shop could develop a discus, or something close to it. Garrett’s homemade discus was made of stone and weighed nearly 25 pounds. Although he could barely lift it, [he practiced and practiced, getting stronger and throwing it further and further].

So imagine Garrett’s surprise when he got to Athens and was working out at the stadium where he was given a regulation discus, it was much smaller in size and weighed just 4 ½ pounds. He took some practice throws and figured “what the heck”—he would enter anyway. The story of how he triumphed—adjusting his motion, speed and release as he went along, and easily surpassing the rest of the field on his sixth and final [gold medal] turn—is one for the ages.

So...perhaps actually working on these challenges of mine is in fact building strength for a purpose and not just incessantly batting down the foes?  But..and here comes my humanness…it would just be so much easier if I could somehow avoid them! Whimper whimper. And wouldn’t you know…another memory.  From a book, where is it?

My brother-in-law gave it to me. There it is…”This Life is a Test” by Ted Gibbons.  I remember a quote in that book about indifference; it’s by the humanitarian Elie Weisel:

“Indifference to me is the epitome of evil. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. The opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference. Because of indifference, one dies before he actually dies.”

And so I’ve learned three things in these early morning hours:

1. All of these challenges are not bad things being hurled at me with reckless abandon but opportunities to strengthen and build abilities and knowledge; physically, mentally and spiritually. 
2. If I knew all of the answers beforehand my accomplishments would be meaningless. 
3. Avoiding the challenges by becoming indifferent would be a death before death. Stopping life’s purpose mid-test.

I heard a DJ on the radio on Independence Day say:

“Freedom is not being able to just do whatever we want; it’s the ability to choose what is right.”   

         

And then I reach for and read one more thought that had been on the refrigerator door…

“The prophet Abraham found favor in the sight of the Lord. He was given the assurance that he was a great and noble intelligence before coming to this earth. He learned that the earth was created as a place for the intelligences to dwell after their birth as mortal beings. Here they would be tested and tried to see if they would do all things that the Lord God would command them to do. Earth life would thus become a testing ground. It was not intended that the earthly road would be smooth, nor would the path be easy.”

-  Henry D. Taylor (A time of Testing)

OK, lesson learned, that was the comfort that I needed and so much better than a late-night snack…I turn off the computer, walk past the kitchen and smile at the fridge, head to the bedroom and climb back into bed.