My Topsy-Turvy World

When Astronaut Don Lind was asked if it was uncomfortable going into space upside down, he explained that in space you always feel right side up and stationary. The earth turns below you. If somebody’s head is pointing toward your feet, he is the one who is upside down. At lift-off, the earth simply rotates to a position above your head."

When Dale died so suddenly that cold January day, my stable and comfortable world reeled out of alignment. Even though it appeared like I was right side up and stationary, in truth nothing was right. My world and everything in it was suddenly launched into a topsy-turvy atmosphere that often changed position. I felt the disorientation of being alone, it seemed akin to floating around in outer space without a true sense of direction. That recognition of the sudden yet automatic maneuvering from being "We" to just being "Me".

There is an old Swedish proverb that says “Shared joy is double joy – shared sorrow is half sorrow”.

The reverse of that statement is magnified way beyond what I could have imagined.

Not only did I lose Dale but I also lost our home and moved to a new place in a new town. I became aware of just how significant the two words “We're home” are and how often those words are taken for granted. With "We" being a powerfully important reference and "home" being a place, regardless of the location, we had always shared.

I miss saying "We're Home!"! I still miss Dale and I miss being able to say not only “We’re home” but other common things like “We are going here or there” or “We did this or that” or “We are just sitting here doing nothing at all!”

To all who are fortunate enough to still be able to refer to yourselves as “we” please consider Arlene Dahl’s advice to, “Take each other for better or worse but never for granted”. Today, I find myself feeling more alone than ever, unable to distract myself from the turbulence of it for some reason. 

I feel myself beginning to spin hopelessly out of control and then I hear the words of Thomas S. Monson saying: ”When the seas of life are stormy, a wise mariner seeks a port of peace. The family, as we have traditionally known it, is such a refuge of safety."

And I glance at my magnet board and my sorrowful eye catches the text I received just the other day that came from my 6 year old grandson. I had printed it out and attached it to the board. It says simply... I love you Grandma.

And there it was; I loved it when it came in but even more so today because that unseen power - not unlike what a grateful astronaut upon returning to earth would call gravity - became an anchoring, that put me back on my feet, standing upright, a meaningful reason for carrying on. An embracing and stabilizing reminder of "Me" being an important part of a "We"...my family here on earth.