Forget-Me-Not Moments

I’ve been thinking lately about the power of “moments”

I remember that moment when Dale lay in the hospital bed with the minutes reaching toward his final moment and knowing that would be a moment that would change my life forever. And I realized that (as David Levien said), “At the end, one didn’t remember life as a whole but as just a string of moments.”

The moment we met, the moment he held me in his arms and we danced to what would become “our song”, the moment we fell in the love.  The moment we were married. The moments when our sons were born, and when our grandchildren were born. 

Moments we were breathlessly happy and moments when we were breath takingly sad.

It was Crystal Woods who is attributed to saying, “I want to take all our best moments, put them in a jar, and take them out like cookies and savor each one of them forever.”

Oh, how I agree with her!  Not only are they something to savor but actually now that I’m alone, now that I have the majority of my life behind me, these moments from the past actually nourish me. They are as potent as any vitamin, as fulfilling as any meal.

My heart is filled with contentment when my son calls and tells me what he and his family are doing together.  I know that without realizing it they are creating moments that will last a lifetime. Moments that will build and strengthen, moments to be cherished.

When my mother was in her last years she couldn’t remember the people who were around her, she couldn’t remember where she was or even who she was.  But I called her every other evening and I would read to her from her own well-written autobiography of a life filled with experiences of love and hardship and adventures and a happy childhood spent with a gaggle of loving sisters on a farm with her strong and loving father and her charming and delicate mother.  And during those reading hours she actually remembered those moments of her youth and she once again had a sense of self. It was during one of those readings that she mused, “You know, time goes by without you realizing you’re having the time of your life!”

I said “Oh Mother! That’s brilliant! Let me write that down!” I scribbled it on a post-it note and attached it to my computer screen and then read it back to her…

“Time goes by without you realizing you’re having the time of your life”. 

 “Who said that?” She asked.

“You did!”  I said.

 “I did!” She said, “That’s really good!”

I’ll always remember that moment, simultaneously funny and heart-wrenching. I quickly continued to read to her and her memory loss for the things of the present didn’t matter to her, she was enjoying the memorable moments of her youth and she was happy.  She could always lie down and go to sleep peaceably after we talked.

I like to draw and to sculpt and to write and to take photographs and it occurs to me that what I’m doing in each medium is capturing moments, preserving them, savoring them. 

Jean-Paul Sartre in his book The Age of Reason wrote into a dialogue:

“She smiled and said with an ecstatic air: "It shines like a little diamond",

"What does?"

"This moment. It is round, it hangs in empty space like a little diamond; I am eternal.”

There are those ‘brilliant’ moments that are eternal and there are the moments in your life when someone said or did something, perhaps just one thing that hurt you or changed you. Careless words that made you pause and through the years you still remember those as well. And now you find (in a moment of clarity) that it’s easier to spend time now forgiving that person for that moment than to waste any more of your precious moments in grief when the memory pops up again. That would be time well spent now. You can’t change the bad moments but for some you can take measures to just let them go!

This past week I gathered together all of the love poems that Dale wrote for me over the years and put them into a book along with landscape photos that he had taken and photos of us together at important or tender times in our lives.  I felt him near me as I worked on this project. And I felt an overwhelming sensation that he still treasures these moments as well. 

When I finally finished the project I decided to go for a short drive and enjoy the incredible show of brightly colored autumn leaves that transform the world into a magical place. It was as if Dorothy flew over the rainbow and suddenly everything was now in living color.  I took a moment to absorb the beauty, to take a mental picture and savor the feeling that comes from an autumn day.  That very night in the wee hours of the morning, I felt a chill and pulled up the extra quilt at the foot of my bed.  When I awoke, the early morning light displayed for my view the trees, rooftops, and streets that were covered with a thick layer of pure white glistening snow.  It was the end of autumn, the beginning of winter and all in what seemed to be just a moment.  I stood at the window, pulling my robe more snuggly around me and took a mental picture of the beauty. While experiencing the silent grandeur of a winter’s morning I somehow felt more alive and yet more at peace.  Without realizing it I’d added more moments to the “cookie jar”.

Because of the "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" feeling that the snow brought...tomorrow I go Christmas shopping with my sister. A decision we happily made on a whim tonight in a volley of happy texts. More sweet moments await!

Nella Fantasia

I visited with an old friend the other day. He was lamenting the loss of peace in the world and not just in faraway places. The peace that once was the charm of a section of his home city, where he and his wife could stroll at a leisurely pace and then duck into a charming boutique if it started to rain or on sunny days, sit together at the table of a sidewalk café and nibble on fresh baked pastries while watching people walk happily by…that peace, that security was replaced by riotous pandemonium. Hateful students chanting hateful slogans and forcing good folks to leave and stores to close their doors, took over their happy places. The places became dirty and an aura of discontent, chaos and gloom was now the tone of the area.

He said he had taken to reading and re-reading the Bible for comfort and consolation. I agreed with the idea and determined to take on my own study.  And then, just today I read a quote by Thomas S. Monson:

“Out of Nazareth and down through the generations of time come His excellent example, His welcome words, His divine deeds.

They inspire patience to endure affliction, strength to bear grief, courage to face death, and confidence to meet life. In this world of chaos, of trial, of uncertainty, never has our need for such divine guidance been more desperate.

Lessons from Nazareth, Capernaum, Jerusalem, Galilee transcend the barriers of distance, the passage of time, the limits of understanding, and bring to troubled hearts a light and a way.”

From deep in the back of my mind a song, one of my favorites was pushing through the despair I had felt and now accompanied the hope I was experiencing instead.

Nella fantasia io vedo un mondo giusto

Li tutti vivono in pace e in onestà

Io sogno d'anime che sono sempre libere

Come le nuvole che volano

Pien' d'umanità in fondo all'anima

It is such a beautiful song when preformed in Italian by the group Amici Forever written by Chiara Ferrau and the incredible Ennio Morricone for the movie “The Mission”.

The translation shows how perfect it is for what I am wishing for now…

In my imagination (nella fantasia) I see a fair world,

Everyone lives in peace and in honesty there.

I dream of souls that are always free,

Like the clouds that fly,

Full of humanity in the depths of the soul.

In my imagination I see a bright world,

Even the night is less dark there.

I dream of souls that are always free,

Like clouds that fly.

In my imagination there exists a warm wind,

That breathes on the cities, like a friend.

I dream of souls that are always free,

Like clouds that fly,

Full of humanity in the depths of the soul.

I was born in post war America. The country was putting itself back together. Patriotism, security, peace and family were foremost in everyone’s mind. Those who had tasted the bitterness of a world at war worked hard to establish peace. Oh that we could only have a fair world where everyone lives in peace and in honesty today. What can I do?  What can we do?

 The Dalai Lama is quoted as saying: “The Planet does not need more successful people, the planet desperately needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers and lovers of all kind."

And we only need to look as far as John Lennon who takes it it a step further by saying “Peace is not something you wish for; it’s something you make, something you do, something you are and something you give away".

That I can do. I'll start by sharing this beautiful and peaceful song....

The Worth of a Soul

I arrived at a point today when I inadvertently took upon myself the heavy burden of comparison.  Without realizing it my mind established and then without question confirmed that I was not as talented as this person, as successful as that person, as experienced, humble or wise as another. I was neither as healthy, as educated, as fun nor articulate as that person over there nor am I as compassionate or capable as the person down the street. Once begun, the spiral of comparison was taking me down to a place that puts out a welcome mat for those who think they are somehow less deserving, less important and without significance. 

I’m tired I thought.

But I needed to take the trash can out and bring in the mail. Even lowly me could handle that!

The evenings are chilly now and the sun was just going down so I put on a light coat and wheeled the garbage out to the street.  My eye caught the flight of a small bird overhead.

A clear voice spoke to my woeful mind…”Does the Lord love the mighty eagle more than he loves a little chickadee?”

I stopped in my tracks.

I heard….”Does the Lord love a wild stallion more than he loves a blue butterfly?”

I picked up my step and picked up on the game….adding my own thoughts now…Does the Lord love the turbulent oceans more than he loves the gentle brook? Does the Lord love a powerful king more than he loves a helpless child?...... Does the Lord love the accomplished neighbor down the street more than he loves me?… And there it was.

Truth

The Lord knows me and He loves me for what I do.  He knows the neighbor and He loves her for what she does.  He loves the eagle and he loves the chickadee. He doesn’t expect the chickadee to be an eagle and he doesn’t expect the eagle to be a chickadee.  We all serve a purpose if we all serve Him.

Joy replaced the dismal thoughts and I walked with a lighter step to retrieve the mail.

Inside the mailbox I find an overstuffed envelope addressed simply to “Grandma” .  Once back inside the kitchen I eagerly open the letter to find two paper airplanes an origami boat and an origami hat folded using blue lined school paper.  Each with the words (written in the hand of a 7 year old boy) “I LOVE YOU”.

What value can be placed on someone who is loved by the Lord and loved by her family!

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf  was right when he said,  “The Lord uses a scale very different from the world’s to weigh the worth of a soul”

When I climb into bed tonight, even though I didn’t conquer the world, I gave my widow’s mite so I’ll be able to pull up the covers, click off the light and say “I did what I could today and I am loved. “

And...I’m grateful the Lord created eagles AND chickadees.

Fear Not

I watch from afar as so much of our country is recovering from the massive hurricanes that ravaged their homes and communities these last few weeks. I cry for their suffering, I marvel at their strength. And for those who were fortunate enough to still have homes standing...I watch them reaching out and working hard to help those who lost more.  It was Harry S. Truman who said...

This is being personified all across the Houston area and now in Florida and the surrounding areas as they need that same help. People helping people, calming the fears as clean up continues. Lives are being reshaped by both those in need and for those giving aid.  I truly stand all amazed and I'm humbled.

The truth is, it isn't just their problem, it's our problem. Because in America...United we stand. I bemoaned the fact that I can do nothing more than a widow's mite and my good son who lives in that storm tossed and drenched part of our country reminded me that not everyone can do everything but everyone can do something.

I encourage everyone who reads this to do whatever they can sincerely do, determined to do the job at hand even if it's but a widow's mite in comparison to those who can give more.

As The World Groans

The world is in chaos as I write this. Earthquakes, fire, hurricanes and tornados are ravaging the earth like never before.

I have observed through my long life of living through times of major earthquakes, devastating floods, droughts, wars and air pollution that after all the devastation the one thing that remains is hope!  Even if it’s just a whisper, it never seems to leave us and as Emily Dickinson contemplated, hope never even asks for a crumb as payment in return.  I am drawn to her poem “Hope is the Thing With Feathers” today.

“Hope” is the Thing With Feathers

     By EMILY DICKINSON

“Hope” is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul,

And sings the tune without the words

And never stops at all.

And sweetest in the gale is heard;

And sore must be the storm

That could abash the little bird

That kept so many warm.

I’ve heard it in the chillest land

And on the strangest sea;

Yet, never, in extremity,

It asked a crumb of me.

It was M. Russell Ballard who said “Hope grows out of faith and gives meaning and purpose to all that we do. It can give us comfort in the face of adversity, strength in times of trial, and peace when there is every reason for doubt and anguish.”

Sometimes, our hope is like the engineer that keeps us on track!  Gordon B. Hinckley reminisced:

“Long ago I worked for one of our railroads whose tracks threaded the passes through these western mountains. I frequently rode the trains. It was in the days when there were steam locomotives. Those great monsters of the rails were huge and fast and dangerous. I often wondered how the engineer dared the long journey through the night. Then I came to realize that it was not one long journey, but rather a constant continuation of a short journey. The engine had a powerful headlight that made bright the way for a distance of 400 or 500 yards. The engineer saw only that distance, and that was enough, because it was constantly before him all through the night into the dawn of the new day.”

Hope is right there urging us through this if we allow it right?  Many years ago I came upon this thought by an unknown author; “Real hope keeps us “anxiously engaged” in good causes even when these appear to be losing causes on the mortal scoreboard.  Likewise, real hope is much more than wishful musing. It stiffens, not slackens, the spiritual spine."

So as I watch and listen to what is happening in the world right now ~ be it natural disasters or man- made disasters I am doing all that I can to keep hope alive…so as not to let the many storms “abash the little bird that has kept me warm” many times before, that little feather of hope that perches resolutely in my soul.

Thomas S. Monson coached us in how to nurture this hope when he said: 

“Gaze Upward, Look Inward, Reach Outward, and Press Forward”.

Where is Heaven?

My grandmother was a young woman living as a missionary in Toronto Canada in the latter part of 1921 when she clipped an article from the local morning newspaper and tucked it into her scriptures.

Going through a box of her things the other day I came upon the article. The paper had become softened and brown with age but the message was still oh so clear and beautiful.

The name of the good soul who penned the article was not saved along with the clipping so I’ll have to resort to saying “anonymous” for the credit.

Where is Heaven?

A story of a famous American preacher is published in Great Thoughts. It contains no little truth. The question, “Where is Heaven?” was put to Sam Jones by one of his wealthy church members in Georgia, whose cotton crop yielded him some thirty thousand dollars the last year. “Where is heaven?” said the rich planter. “I’ll tell you where heaven is,” said Mr. Jones, “if you will go down to the village and buy fifty dollars’ worth of groceries, put them in a wagon, and take them to that poor widow on the hillside, who has three of her children sick. She is poor and is a member of the church. Take with you a nurse and someone to cook their meals. When you get there, read the 23^rd Psalm and kneel by her side and pray. Then you will find out where heaven is.”

Next day, as the preacher was walking through the village, he met the same wealthy planter, his face beaming with joy. He spoke after his manner; “Mr. Jones, I’ve found out where heaven is. I went as you directed me. We took up the wagon load of groceries and the poor widow was completely overcome with joy. She could not express her thankfulness. As I read to her the 23^rd Psalm, my heart was filled with thankfulness to God; and when I prayed the angels came, and I thought I was nearer to heaven than I had ever been in my life. I left the nurse and cook in her humble dwelling and promised her she should never suffer so long as I could help her.”

John H. Groberg said (and anyone who has seen the movie based on his life, The Other Side of Heaven, would surely agree that he can say with true conviction)….."Never underestimate the power of true love, for it knows no barriers. When filled with God’s love, we can do and see and understand things that we could not otherwise do or see or understand. Filled with His love, we can endure pain, quell fear, forgive freely, avoid contention, renew strength, and bless and help others in ways surprising even to us."

And it seems the perfect summary comes in the wise words of Thomas S. Monson:

“It is an immutable law that the more you give away, the more you receive. You make a living by what you get, but you make a life by what you give.”

The Shakespeare Diet

I wonder when Shakespeare penned the words for Hamlet to utter….

Refrain to-night;

And that shall lend a kind of easiness

To the next abstinence, the next more easy;

For use almost can change the stamp of nature,

And either master the devil or throw him out

With wondrous potency.

….if he knew that he would be speaking to the modern day woman starting yet another diet!

Refrain so that there is a kind of easiness to the next abstinence?  

I suppose Ralph Waldo Emerson’s mentor-like words…“That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do; not that the nature of the thing itself is changed, but that our power to do is increased.”…should apply to the determined dieter as well don't you agree?

Does every “NO I WON’T HAVE THAT” lead to an easier “NO I WON’T HAVE THAT” later in the day? Perhaps each little victory is not a stand-alone deal but a building block added onto our internal fire-wall that protects us from temptation and allows us to move on down the narrow path to self mastery.

I needed to hear James E. Faust's words that “Self-Mastery is the ultimate test of our character.”

A reminder that self care is not a matter of self indulgence but self respect. So, onward brave dieters! Let's quote the bard and “Master the devil or throw him out.”